Narcissists Play a Zero Sum Game

The real Narcissist, the dangerous one, plays a Zero Sum Game. I'm not speaking of those with narcissist traits, the modern narcissistically-inclined folks who utilize their narcissism to navigate the aggressive terrain of social media for their survival. I'm talking about the pathological Narcissist. This Narcissist doesn't necessarily need a large audience. In my case, my Narcissist had a small, intimate set of admirers, enablers, and flying monkeys. What he required was a target. Someone he could keep sick so as to elevate himself in comparison. That was me until I slowly but definitively woke up. The dismantling of his target ensures that his winnings are doubled. First, the dismantling serves his craving to elevate himself while he lords over them as they squirm. This in itself is a solid hit of narcissistic supply. But then, he doubles the gain. His target lies depleted at his feet and reaches out to him for help. How sinister (I understand him to be now) when he shakes his head in performative concern, turns to his small audience, and says, "I don't know what's wrong with her. I've tried everything." The first sign that his target takes a step back to strength is he's there to coyly but fully place a knee on their neck.

I'm out of the game but I’ve learned he's found a new "patient." Because I'm an estranged member of the family, I don't know the details, but as I understand it, my daughter is in pain, and he has swept in to orchestrate her "recovery" with the help of his loyalists. This is my child, and I've been told nothing. That's by design. In his Zero Sum Game, he gets extra coins for the satisfaction of having successfully rendered me irrelevant to our children.

So here I am, sending a mother's love and healing from a distance. Would I be her answer or her savior in her time of need? No, and I wouldn’t try to be. I'm sure I would have made several mistakes, but I would have held her hand, reminded her of her strength, and supported her healing. And I would have tried with all my might to run interception on what I know he’s up to. All I can hope is that he wins the lottery, maybe, takes that four-year cruise people are talking about, and gets out of her way long enough to find her way back to strength.