You Can Take the TQ+ Out of the State Department but...
Think Twice If You Think You Can Erase Me
They took the TQ+ out of LGBTQ+ on the State Department website and it was declared, by executive order, that there are only two genders, thereby erasing the viability, on a federal level, of a relatively small and quite harmless percentage of the population who identify otherwise. Initially, I took the bait. I was outraged, and my sense of civil justice was offended. Then, Thursday of that week, I attended a get-together hosted by my friend who had transitioned some years ago. I couldn't help but notice that, despite the violent assault on any notion of her right to exist, there she was. She offered me a seat in her home and a warm hug. There were snacks.
They took the TQ+ out of LGBTQ+ on the State Department website and it was declared, by executive order, that there are only two genders, thereby erasing the viability, on a federal level, of a relatively small and quite harmless percentage of the population who identify otherwise. Initially, I took the bait. I was outraged, and my sense of civil justice was offended. Then, Thursday of that week, I attended a get-together hosted by my friend who had transitioned some years ago. I couldn't help but notice that, despite the violent assault on any notion of her right to exist, there she was. Her letters had been extracted from the government website, but she was still vital, smiling and living her life. She offered me a seat in her home and a warm hug. There were snacks.
I'm an estranged parent of my two adult children and a granddaughter, all of whom grew up in the skewed reality of a narcissistic family system. It didn't happen overnight, but in time, my malignant ex paved a path for my "eraser." Over the years, my viability in our home and family had been systematically degraded, and before long, my children were on board. The parallel of how these manipulators work (my ex and the president) is uncanny. First, the narcissist, who is desperate for adulation, devotion, and loyalty, identifies the vulnerable group for grooming. (President T lasered in on a frustrated pre-MAGA demographic. My narcissist saw our daughters' developing independence as an opportunity to name their developmentally appropriate annoyance with my parenting, as a problem he would rescue them from.)
The key to roping them in as devoted loyalists is that there must be an identified threat.
The hungry manipulator establishes himself as an unappreciated victim and presents himself as their savior. He aligns himself with the frustrated and vulnerable, tells them they are victims as well and are deserving of long-denied dominion over their "problem." The narcissist pumps them up and frames their view of the identified threat as the cause of their denied inheritance. He offers them sanctuary, and in return, he gets their loyalty.
It's a formula that works, apparently, on a national level as well as within a family system. It takes us by surprise. You don't see it coming. We simply don't believe that people can be so calculating and sinister. Their singular goal is to keep this caricature-facade they've created of themselves, glorified and elevated above all others. All their promises and displays of grandeur are strictly to that end. It's smoke and mirrors. The devotees, now minions in service to this toddler-esque authority figure, will be dumped the minute they no longer serve the central purpose and dumped more quickly if they get a peek behind the veil and question the game. (How many government appointees got ravaged once they crossed this president? Any, in my world, who stood by my side or questioned my ex were smeared and vilified in just the same way.)
I questioned him and the impending deterioration of our children's respect for me and my place in our family and as a mother. I pushed back on his self-proclaimed authority and his spin on reality that served only him. I could see where we were headed on this path, and I knew if we continued, everyone would lose. I implored him, for the sake of our children, to stop his policy of demeaning, dismissing, and discarding me. In the fog of it, I imagined the health of our family might matter to him, but he instead stealthily encouraged them to follow his lead, as he communicated it, for their own protection. In time and in layers, they each erased me completely. I don't exist anymore in their world.
I cried and grieved, and I asked why. These consequences were so severe, and at the time, I believed it spoke to my failure and the extent of my disrepute. But all I needed to do was look at what's happened in this country in the last 10 years to realize that anybody can do this. Anybody can prop themselves up as an authority, feed vulnerable people with promises of exceptionality and sanctuary from those they name as less worthy. They can gain great numbers and international power. It can get very big and can all seem very real. Much of it is real, but one essential element is not.
None of us can be erased. I'm still here. I'm still valuable. I'm still loved. Not to them, maybe, but they will eventually have to fall from that glass pedestal by the weight of their own delusions. These micro-dictators can fling their proclamations and feed off their illusions of adulation and dominion, but we can annoy the heck out of them by not buying it. That drives them crazy!
These executive orders and rewriting of policies have erased nobody. We're all still here, and there's nothing they can do about that. As for me, I'm loving my kids from here until the fog lifts, and there's nothing they can do about that either.